A friend recently wanted me to ride with them to Lowe's in Carrollton to return a commode. How do you actually warranty a john? This was a big bad john with apologies to Jimmy Dean. Seems like you know what you are going into when you buy one. What is the life expectancy of that particular piece of plumbing? Have any of you actually wore one out? If so, I'd like to have details.Who would want to have a toilet with black porcelain? Who thought of that?  You can actually buy one.  Another question, are there any bath tubs being made these days made out of anything but plastic? I remember our first shower was made of steel and was about the size of the now obsolete phone booth. The last phone booth I remember was in front of Howard Bowman's store on Head Avenue. I actually saw people showering in there once. Why are there some shower heads that cost more today than I paid for a car when I was in college? Our family plumber was Steve Adams when I was growing up in Tallapoosa and I really wonder what he would have thought about the essential plumbing fixtures of today. Now when I have a plumbing problem there is a good ole boy from Heflin named Von who comes out and can take a piece of duct tape, W D-40,  and a paper clip and can stop a leak. He is kind of like "McGiver" from television. My daughters are jumping up and down excited about the Dogwood Festival coming up on April 11th. The Dogwood Festival is truly a terrific event and a way to showcase just what a great place Tallapoosa is to visit. I love it when visitors come back and decide to live here. The people who work so hard on the Dogwood Festival get a tip of my hat. Robert Geter told me last weekend that Tallapoosa had a place where you can get a latte and a cappuccino. My palate isn't sophisticated enough for high end gourmet coffees. I didn't even know a chicken had anything but a neck and a back until I was nearly grown. I stole that line from the late "Tennessee" Ernie Ford, bless his pea pickin' heart. Tallapoosa has Papous Pizza and George and his sister make a better pie than most of the places in metro Atlanta. I am told the Mexican restaurant in town has some fine south of the border fare. Sy's Magic Wok in the location where the Tri Mi Grill was is pretty terrific. She knows how to "wok and roll"! I don't know if I have had a better homemade cheese burger than from Burger Chick. Burger Chick also has a great hand made milk shake that doesn't come out of a machine like most of the chain places do. If Brenda and them at Holcombe's Foodland would put a bed near their deli, I could live in there. Their fried chicken and mashed potatoes reminds me of my grandmother's.
Backwoods Steakhouse north of town has excellent service and a fine menu. I have to stop now, I have gained 5 pounds writing this column. Pass me a can of Slim-Fast.  Bon appetite.