January 21, 2012

Recently I emceed a benefit for the YWCA of Northwest Georgia in helping build a new women's shelter and on the drive home I tuned into 650, WSM the home of the Grand Ole Opry. I enjoy the classic Country songs of days gone by. Webb Pierce recorded a hit song in the late '50s called "I Ain't Never." It jogged my memory think about things never done, but need to. I have never played poker or Scrabble. Solitaire is something I don't understand. I never beat Billy Wayne Kilgore in Monopoly. Other things never done include visiting a fortune teller. Never traveled the states of Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Iowa, Kansas, Nebraska, Oklahoma, North and South Dakota, New Mexico, Montana, Wyoming, Washington, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Vermont, Maine, and Alaska. I've never been to Canada. I knew of an ole boy from Tallapoosa who used to hang out at Essie Mae's, saw a sign that said "Drink Canada Dry" and he moved up there and tried to. I have never watched a single episode of "Friends," "Two and a Half Men," or any of the British comedies that come on PBS on Saturday nights. I have never watched a lacrosse game. I still don't understand all the rage in places other than the United States about professional soccer. I would have made a great soccer hooligan back in the day. I've never been to Spain, but I kind of like the music. Tostada, fajita, and enchilada are the only Spanish words I am fluent in. I have never jumped out of a perfectly fine airplane or bungee jumped off a bridge. My biggest regret in life is not serving in the military. In my music collection you will not find any music by 50 Cent, Adele, Lada Gaga, or Justin Beiber. I love old school rhythm and blues but have no clue the lure of hip hop. Any music that down grades women isn't music in my view. I have never eaten mutton or caviar from the Black Sea that costs more per ounce than a big screen television. I have never shot or drank a Colt 45. I don't know who put biscuits and gravy together, but I'd hug their necks if I could. Deer hunting is something I've never done. Fay Allen McClendon was the queen of an Opp, Alabama rattlesnake rodeo in the early 70s. I have never been to one. How do they put a saddle on them? Just asking. I have never driven a Lamborghina or Ferrari or any vehicle that costs more than a 5 bedroom house with a swimming pool. I have never experienced a Fa So La singing. Other things bypassed over the years include buying anything with "no money down." because that means they will get into your wallet another way. Have you ever been to a performance of an opera? Me either. I have been to the Opry but never an opera. I have never kissed a woman from Egypt, Yemen, Hungary, the Ukraine, or Fruithurst. Loving the game of golf as I do, I have never played our city's course. I took two years of high school and four quarters of French at West Georgia but have never used what I learned, but the bucket list is to learn elementary Spanish in the next few years as well as work on a doctorate in education. I've never voted for anyone who doesn't understand America is made up of working class people that are slowly getting squeezed out by politicians who's only goal is to get elected again. I have never been on a sail boat. I've never caught a bass bigger than the hand of a 9 year old. Chitlins are a delicacy to some some however I will NEVER eat one. You can't deep fry them in enough batter to get me to forget what their function is. I am unable to watch any reality show that has most of their dialogue bleeped out. I will never meet Snooki, the Situation, or any cast member of Jersey Shore. Why do kids watch a movie over and over and over again? I have no desire to go to Mongolia, Guam, Somalia, Antartica, or Esom Hill. I've never sat through a time-share presentation. I will never climb Mt. McKinley or Mt. Everest, however I have climbed Tally Mountain and Kennesaw Mountain more than once. I will never understand people that text and drive, or understood why we are allowing meth to destroy our country. I also don't understand the lack of common sense with some school systems with the whole zero tolerance thing. If a kid brings an Advil to school for a head ache or accidentally has finger nail clippers in their book bag, it earns a suspension from school. I don't understand why you have to have a license to style hair. Who checks up on that? I need to ask the ladies of Designing Woman hair salon about that. I've never understood Martinizing in dry cleaning and why does it take an hour. Of all the things I've never done, understanding women tops the list.